


Let Me Hold You This Time

by ivyvvivy



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The First Avenger Compliant, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, post-107th's escape from HYDRA, they walk back to camp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 05:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15678930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyvvivy/pseuds/ivyvvivy
Summary: After Steve rescues the 107th Infantry Regiment from HYDRA, Bucky isn't acting himself, but maybe he's just tired. Steve wants to know what's wrong, but Bucky isn't used to be the one who's hurting. What happened to Bucky while he was being held captive by HYDRA? And will Steve be able to help him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is my first work on here. it hasn't been beta'd and i barely even proofread it, so sorry if there's mistakes. this chapter is super short but there's more to come.

Steve kept ahead of the group of rescued soldiers as they trekked back to camp. His eyes scanned the trees and the brush for attackers, and his serum-enhanced spatial skills helped him keep his sense of direction. He could keep pace easily, having only been away from camp a day or so, while everyone else struggled against their fatigue. 

Bucky walked in stride with him, but Steve could see the flashes of pain behind his eyes. Bucky stumbled over a rock and whimpered softly as he jostled his bruised ribs. 

“Let’s stop here; take a break.” Steve said, turning to the haggard bunch of soldiers. Several sighed in relief and many sat down right where they stood, too exhausted to look for a dry spot to rest. 

Steve led Bucky over to a log and they sat beside each other. Steve handed him the last of his water, but Bucky’s hands shook too much, and were too weak to open the cap. 

“Here.” 

Steve took the bottle gently and uncapped it before passing it back. 

“Thanks.” Bucky breathed, leaning heavily against Steve’s shoulder. Steve ran a hand down the curve of his back. A thousand questions about Bucky’s time as HYDRA’s captive ran through his head, but he pushed them away. It wasn’t the time. Soon, they would be back at camp and they could rest, and then they could talk, privately. Hopefully everyone would be strong enough to make it back.

“How much farther d’you think it is?” Bucky asked, wiping a drop of blood from his nose and letting Steve massage the tense muscles around the base of his neck. He sighed softly as Steve pressed a slow kiss to his forehead.

“A few miles, probably. No way to be sure, but it shouldn’t be too far.”

Bucky tucked his nose into the crook of Steve’s neck and mumbled: “Okay.”

“You tired?” Steve spoke quietly now. He knew Bucky wouldn’t admit to being anything more than a little out of breath within earshot of anyone but him.

“Mmmm.”  
Steve let the subdued chatter from the regiment wash over them for a moment, memorizing the feel of Bucky’s breath on his skin and his warmth against his shoulder. He never wanted to have to be separated from Bucky again after everything they’d been through when they were, and so he savoured their moments of relative solitude. 

“Rest.” He murmured before leaning his head atop Bucky’s and closing his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Though the rest of the regiment knew they were together, and it wouldn’t have been an issue if they’d shared a cot, they still took separate cots for the night. On Steve’s part, he didn’t want to worsen any of Bucky’s injuries by moving in his sleep, and Bucky said that that was a good idea when Steve mentioned it.

Steve guessed they’d gone to bed a few hours ago, and the rest of the camp had quieted down to only the occasional bump or whisper. Still, Bucky shifted or grunted every few minutes, and Steve refused to sleep until he was sure that Bucky would get some rest.

“Buck?” 

“Yeah? You okay?” Bucky called back.

Steve sat up so he could see Bucky’s face in the dim light from the lamp at the flap of the tent, and Bucky turned slightly so he could see Steve.

“Can’t sleep?”

Bucky sighed and shook his head. He sat up and the tension in his posture was visible even in the meager light. Again, Steve pushed back questions about what had happened to Bucky because he hadn’t rested properly since he’d escaped. 

“Could ya…” Bucky began, “lay with me for awhile?” 

“Of course, Buck.”  
Steve shifted his legs off the side of his cot easily, and didn’t appear to be affected by the cold as he stepped away from his covers. Bucky shivered even with the covers on. Bucky moved to the far side of the cot to let Steve lie down, and curled up in front of him when he did, face to face. Steve gently pulled Bucky’s face into his collarbone, giving him time to tell him to stop if he was hurting him. He patted his hand down Bucky’s shoulder and arm, feeling for injuries. Nothing seemed noticeably out of the ordinary, and Bucky didn’t protest, but he did breathe in a sharp breath as Steve’s fingers pressed into the part of his forearm that his restraints had passed over.

Steve looked down to Bucky’s face in concern, but Bucky had his eyes closed and face blank. He decided to forego letting Bucky rest before questioning him. 

“What’d they do to ya, Buck?” Steve’s voice came out softer than he expected it to. It reminded him of when he would get sick in the winter back in Brooklyn and he barely had the strength to ask for water. 

“I don’t really remember.” Bucky tried, but his eyebrows furrowed slightly as they did whenever he told a lie.

Steve moved his hand to Bucky’s hair and began to slowly work out the tangles.

“I think ya do remember.” Steve said, half as a question, but half sure of himself.   
“Is there a reason you don’t wanna tell me?”

“I don’t want ya to have to deal with all this, too.” He replied, waiting a moment before continuing. “And I don’t wanna have to think about it either.” 

Steve frowned and tilted Bucky head up so they were eye to eye. “When we go to medical, tomorrow, I’ll find out what happened anyway. I just thought I’d give ya a chance to tell me, yourself. And to tell me if there’s any way I can help ya.”

Steve leaned his forehead to Bucky’s, and let his hand still on the back of his neck.

“I can’t be sure, and the only way I can be is if ya tell me, but I know they hurt ya, and I need ya to tell me what’s wrong. If the way you’ve been acting is anythin’ to go by, then something’s really wrong. You’re not yourself.”

Bucky opened his mouth as if to reply, but was cut off by shouting from the other side of camp. Steve sat up quickly, and placed his hand on the back of Bucky’s shoulder as the he sat up as well.

“Fire! Get water, quick!” Someone shouted over the chatter and thud of running feet.

Steve jumped out of bed and opened the tent flap to see outside.

“Stay here.” He said to Bucky. Bucky wasn’t fast enough to stop him leaving.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky was still sitting on the edge of the cot when Steve stepped back inside their shared tent. Bucky’s hands were braced against his thighs, and he only turned his head a fraction to watch Steve approach him slowly. Steve’s shirt was torn and a burn across his cheekbone glinted in the light. His breath was visible in the chilled air. 

“I don’t know if you can help.” Bucky said. “Maybe ya wanted to be out here, but I never did. You’re strong enough to take it. They must’ve seen that in ya when they chose you for this, but I’m just here cause they needed another body. I’m disposable to them."

“You’re not to me.”

Bucky seemed to ponder this over, not like he didn't already know it, but with more meaning, now. Steve had put himself in harms way to save the 107th, and then had gone out of his way to save him too. He gestured for Steve to sit beside him, and Steve sat close enough that their shoulders touched. He took a shaky breath, and Steve placed his hand atop his.

“They kept me alone. Didn’t feed me, didn’t let me sleep. It was cold.” Steve waited for him to continue. “I heard them talking. Something about making me stronger, making me fight for them. I guess they wanted to break me before they made me more powerful than them, so they could keep their control over me. A tear slid down his cheek, washing away a track of grime. They’d make it look like I had a clear shot at escaping, and then they'd catch me and drag me back. After a few times I stopped trying. Then they’d sedate me and I don’t know what they did then. I didn’t think you were real when you showed up. Still kinda don’t feel like I got out of there...I’m still cold.”

Bucky glanced up at Steve’s face, and silently took in his stricken expression. Steve’s jaw set and he looked to the flap of the tent, as if expecting someone to burst into the tent, right that moment, and try to hurt Bucky again; as if ready to protect him.

“Buck...” Steve faltered.

A soft sob escaped Bucky. Then another. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he made no move to wipe them away.

Steve took his face in his hands and brushed away his tears with his thumbs before guiding him to lay down beside him, head against his chest. “You’ve taken care of me for so long. Now it's time ya let me take care of you.”

Slowly, Steve felt Bucky relax against his side, and he drifted off once his breaths grew even.


End file.
